Monday, August 25, 2014

Having the Words (revised)


Words (revised)
Anger vs. Peace
Words.
Not having them. Here is the story I want to share from my second week in TGH Heart Transplant Recovery - or “Eight West”. Eight West is a place of miracles, healing, cures, and great joy. Eight West / Tampa General Hospital / all hospitals are places of great grief and anguish, too.

There are statistics on survival and recovery but for any individual, there are only two, possible outcomes. Life and Death (ok, continued disease, too, but I'm counting that in the Life outcome).Couple of other things collided outside my door on Eight West. - words and inconsolable grief / anguish.

I startled awake from a mid-afternoon nap by the angry yelling and curses of a young, black father in anguish and pain over learning that his only child, his eight year-old daughter, was near death. She needed transplant or she would die. He was not married to the mother of his child, was estranged from her and had no rights in his daughter's care. His mind could not accept it and he couldn't express it except in anger, profanity and threats of violence. I had no idea what he would do, I couldn’t get up to close the (un-lockable) door - I was stuck, finally, I remembered I had some cheap, hospital headphones and plugged into the tv and turned up the volume! Before that, I heard enough and I could hear him above the TV volume.

It became clear to me that the chance of violence was slim as the nurses, assistants, docs and a psych nurse continued to gently speak to the young man. Security was nearby but not in view. The caregivers “talked him down” and walked him out without physical contact. I prayed for him. I wondered what to make of this and it came to me - words. He did not have the words. He had “street”.

Street was all he had needed to “do” life and interact with his world and culture but he is suddenly outside his world, and was lost.  Lost, lost, lost. It broke my new heart and was ground glass to my soul. His pain and anguish that could only be expressed by street. He only had street for words, for thoughts, for coherence of his own mind and for expression to others.  It was Primal. Raw. Angry. Vile. Profane. Threatening. Violent. It was street.

Eight West is a place of healing, grace, mercy and love. Compassion, patience, training, inner-peace and faith of the caregivers was all that was needed. My nurse, Rodrigo, was one of these. He stands all of five-foot, four and probably weighs in at 140 soaking wet - not the Hulk by any means. Others took the lead but Rodrigo stood with them.

He could not, discuss the matter with me later as they all keep their silence in patient matters, but we shared the peace and joy of the resolution.  The young, un-married father had the space to settle down but he didn't have the words to understand, conceptualize, or understand that his baby girl was going to get her heart, soon, and have a great chance at a full life. 

He cried, “She’s my life!, She’s ALL I GOT” in a mix of tears, curses and taunts.
He didn't have the words, or “The Word”.

He cursed in the hallway outside my door, he yelled curses from around the corner, he screamed angry threats from the elevator lobby and down the elevator. He returned an hour later and screamed and yelled violent taunts and curses from the elevator lobby again.  Still, no security - just faith, patience, care and compassion in response.

He finally left and I did not hear from him again. 


We think in words in a language. Core beliefs are held in our mind in words. When we think of self, place, others, anything other than base groans, primal expression of need or pain we require words. Words are important - have them, and you have rich, complete and nuanced  thought and can express your thought to others in words that have clarity, and from clarity comes understanding and from understanding, maybe agreement.  We respond to words from within and from without.

I choose a photo that tells a story, too. I like that we are the one above after looking at men of the street culture. I thought, who mostly determine our outcomes? I like that the photo above promotes a positive, wholesome vision, rather than "street" photos, I prayed for that young man that day and during my stay at the hospital and I pray for him to have peace and his daughter to be healed. I wonder what could have been this distraught dad's life if he had been taught the words, or most importantly, “The Word”?

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Sunday, August 17, 2014

Repost: "Post" post - my new birthday 7-25-14 post




I didn't know whether to share this - but decided to and revised this post.  

Revised August 17, 2014:

My new birth date is July 23, 2014. That's what they say around here when you get a new heart.

I'm in ICU and have been since surgery, it's taken a while before I could write. Wow, had some crazy dreams, visions and hallucinations over the last two days. The great care staff, Vickie, Tom and Nancy kept guard over me and talked me through the worst of them - at 3:00 AM!. Reaction to the drugs I was told. I have experienced events that have changed me and how I will view the world. I have an understanding of mental illness - it was so real, but my mind was in paranoid overdrive. Nothing the staff hasn't dealt with before and was not ready for. I am thrilled and really drugged. Should be getting most of my tubes out today. I'll be in the hospital for 2 to 3 weeks. Thanks for all your prayers everything is going great right now.

Special thanks to Meghan (with apologies), and to Lori and Lorna, all of TGH ICU. Tom and Nancy picked up Vickie and they came to my aid at 3:00 in the morning! How can I say what good friends they are. God bless these, God bless us all. 

This was my original post:
My new birth date is July 23, 2014. That's what they say around here when you get a new heart.

I'm in ICU and have been since surgery, it's taken a while before I could write. I am thrilled and really drugged. Should be getting most of my tubes out today. I'll be in the hospital for 2 to 3 weeks. Thanks for all your prayers everything is going great right now.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Grace and Peace


There's A Story Here
St. Andrews Presbyterian Church


Update: these people have been with me - heart transplant 7-23-14. They helped me qualify for the transplant by pledging and signing up to provide transportation, care and assistance and certifying to the transplant center.  They have been mighty in their love and prayers, visited me, cared for Vickie and support her as my primary by being her backup. Good friends that came in the middle of the night in support! Unqualified love - this is the true church in action!

Grace and peace - God's love is poured out here. Joy, laughter, fulfillment, truth, compassion, friendship and help for the tough times. Baptism of our daughter, her growth in faith, confirmation and marriage. Now, herself a mom! Thanks to her wonderful husband, Nelson. Pastor John married them and I hope they choose him to baptize my beautiful, new grandson, Alejandro.

What of a church life? Looking back - I can see how they helped me grow in maturity, it doesn't happen all-at-once, but by "catching the wave" and being propelled by a mighty power to strength and peace not attainable without God's provident hand.

Sharing life with good friends in all the wonders of raising families, working shoulder to shoulder on building lives filled with grace, peace, hope, promise and love. Sharing and celebrating all the great times and being there for the others. Seeing God's active hand in this world and working tirelessly for its reconciliation and peace. Being the body and face of Christ to the greatest and the forgotten.

Being equipped and taught by mighty men and women of God who have discipled me and helped me see beyond this meanness of this world at the glories all around us. Living looking up and ahead and moving away from the regrets of a past that can be left behind - by  grace being granted joy.

Vickie, Kasey and I have had their support and strength through the pain of the deaths of my dad, mom, sister, Vickie's brother, step-brother, gran, dad and mom. Through times of great joy and pain - through life, good and bad! 25 years and many dear friends. There's a story here - come and be a part of it!

St. Andrews Presbyterian Church
705 Michigan Blvd.
Dunedin FL 34698

727-734-5493

On the web
sapcd.org

Contact by email
Connect with St. Andrews


Map and directions (click map or here)

 St. Andrews Presbyterian Chuch - map and directions


Friday, August 15, 2014

Joy


I have never smiled so wide or been more joyous.
I returned home from Tampa General Hospital on Sunday, August 10, 2014 after a Heart Transplant on July 23 and that was joyous.  To my delight, that joy was surpassed on Tuesday, August 12, when my daughter and her husband had their son, my first grandchild, Alejandro (Alex) and the smile above is the following day when I got to hold him for the first time!

Joy upon joy, blessing upon blessing! I am now a member of two, joyous "clubs" - Transplant and Grandparent! The joy of the first may fade with "normalcy" but I look forward to the other joy growing and growing. Wow! Grandkids Rock!


Sunday, August 10, 2014

Discharge to Home

My last mobile blog from Tampa General Hospital. I will keep you updated through the first year.

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Transplant plus 18 days. It seems like a wonder to me now. The last tube is out.

I am free of all stents, pumps, infusers, defibrillator and drain. Other than dental and the wires in my breastbone - I am free of metal and stuff for the first time since September, 2007!

I am "natural" again.

The new life launches! My thanks and my prayers for the loved ones of my donor - his heart is filled with his love for you! May this be a comfort to you in your grief - my prayer is that joy will one day return to you.

Thank you for your love, prayers and support. Thank everyone involved over the years. Thank my pastors and church. Thank my family Thank my wife, Vickie. Thank my God.

Vickie and I will have many things to deal with in this critical first year. I have to encounter the virus that the donor had that's being suppressed.

There may be other, serious battles ahead, but today, today -
today is a day of great joy!

My first grandchild, Alejandro, will be born this week.

Truly, how much can one man be blessed?

Saturday, August 9, 2014

TGH Burger and Home!

For long-term patients of TGH Saturday noon's hamburger is the most anticipated meal of the week.

This is my third TGH burger. I am definitely ready to come home.

Dr. Hoffman says if my meds stay in control overnight that I will be home tomorrow afternoon.

I have to return on Monday for retesting. She asked if I'd like to stay over Sunday night since I have to be retested on Monday - I declined. I had to really control myself to keep from laughing!

She understood and said well, "there's no place like home!"

Friday, August 8, 2014

Blanketed in Love

A package arrived at home today - blankets of love from the blanket ministry of Alpharetta Georgia First United Methodist Church. They are both beautiful and heartwarming.

What a wonderful surprise - good friend Dale S had shared my blog with them.

Vickie and I are deeply moved and humbled by the outpouring of love coming our way.

I had shared with my pastor, Rev. Dr. John Fullerton, how I could actually feel his prayers, and the prayers of the saints, "cover me like a blanket".

This ministry perfectly competes that metaphor. Thank you for this joyous and unexpected gift.

Bless you for your ongoing thoughts and prayers, we are truly united in the love of Christ. God bless us all.

Update: Success!

I actually received edible food from TGH kitchen. Yes, it took two weeks! LOL

I'm still doing great and everything is doing great. I hope to hear soon about the results of yesterday's biopsy. The first biopsy of the new heart last week showed zero signs of rejection six samples. That's what we're looking for again.

Wednesday's operation to take the fluid off of the heart was a success and I'm hoping to get the drain lines out today.

I was correct in thinking that the new heart goes in the old sack or pericardium. That sack was too large for the new heart and that contributed to the fluid. The body should adjust for the difference in time.

I asked Dr. Mackie (transplant cardiologist) about the condition of the heart and he said the fit is near perfect, it was a three on a scale of four in the "cardiac index." That index relates the size of the body to the cardiac output - it's an exponential scale so three and four are almost identical. Truly a fantastic match.

The donor did have one virus, CMV, that I did not have an so they're keeping that reaction suppressed for six months. The infectious diseases doctor say that I will eventually have to encounter this disease but they want to choose the time that it expresses itself so that they know what the symptoms are in contract quickly. Range of symptoms could be from nothing more than a head cold to something more dire. The heart was so perfect that they rarely ever reject a heart for that type of condition.

I've still got tubes and sutures and things that will have to come out before they're going to let me go home but I'm feeling feisty enough now to start asking, when?

It's all good, now, even the food (sometimes).

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Resistance is Futile

Yes more tubes. I do feel like a character from a Star Trek show.

Everybody's doing what they need to do to get me fixed up.

Of course great people here and great saints.

I'm feeling fine keep the prayers coming.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Too much water in the pool

Going to be enjoying the hospitality here at Tampa General Hospital for a few more days.

They've found that there is excess fluid around my new heart so tomorrow it's off to the OR.

Dr Hooker, transplant surgeon, will remove the excess and I'll have a drain for a few days.

Alas, this means more culinary delicacies from the hospital kitchen! Vickie has been great bringing my fav, chick salad on pump in so I have a backup. I do have a small fridge in this private room to hoard my "stash".

The second biopsy (checking for rejection) is also tomorrow. The first showed none.

The extra fluid is causing A-fib pattern so it needs to go and before they finish they will shock me back into rhythm if needed. I'll be out, thankfully.

The new, healthy heart is more compact so there's extra room in my chest than needed. The body is adjusting and this will help.

Morale is still high, Vickie and I appreciate all your love, prayers, cards, offers of help. It truly does increase our joy in this time of change. Bless you all, I'll post after.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atrial_fibrillation

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pericardial_effusion

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Great hearts begin with his.

Dr Cintron, the founder.

Bio: http://www.tgmg.org/providers/cardiology/guillermo-cintron/

Much of what has become one of the leading transplant centers in the country is at his doing.

I was happy that he was able to stop by and examine me. This man possesses a depth of knowledge and skill that a few of achieved.

But truly his greatest gifts are his countenance and as an inspirational leader.

He sat with me and we discuss the history of heart medicine and transplants rising from the mere 50% survival rate to near 95% today.

He told me of the 80 people that sprang into action when my organ became available. And there is a backup for every process and person. Five helicopters and two jets aid collection and transport.

But is staggering as the logistics are - the most impressive thing here is the attitude, commitment and dedication of the people who do this work.

That begins with Dr. Cintron.